Friday, July 12, 2013

Rioting Rules - Repost

Just in time for your Zimmerman riot preparation 

1. Remember the Fundamentals1. Wear a mask when looting - Don't be the dumb ass on the news carrying a TV out of a Best Buy without a mask.

2. If you loot Dollar General, Dollar Tree or Dollar Store then you are too stupid to live.

3. Looting fast food joints is never a good idea. The street value of a Big Mac isn't all that high.

4. If you are driving a semi truck DONT STOP AT RED LIGHTS. You might get Reginald Denny'd

5. Wear hats and gloves. It is cold and flu season and you don't want to be the one guy out of 1000 that leaves a finger print.

6. Avoid wearing gang colors - You are there to lootriot and you don't need to the distraction of Crip Dancing.

7. Move your crap out tonight. Chances are good that you will be torching your own neighborhood.

8. Don't post pictures of you burning crap down or looting on Facebook or Instagram. This should be a no brainer but....

9. Do not check in on Foursquare at a place you are about to loot. There isn't a special badge for that (I think).

10. Rob a bum of his shopping cart so you can carry more shit.

11. If caught, tell them that your dad is the Mayor.

12. If your dad is the mayor, throw up gang signs and act like a bad ass

13. Use a task list and stay organized. You want to make the most of your experience.

14. If you want to be on TV then act and speak like a complete fool. The media will find you instantly.

15. Use a high arc when throwing your rocks. You don't want to be the guy that looks all over for the perfect rock to throw and throw it right at the riot shields.

16. Goggles are great against water cannons.

17. Rioting in the burbs isn't cool. Hipsters love "the city"

18. Use the bathroom before you leave. It is rude to piss or crap in the streets when rioting.

19. The early bird gets the worm. Don't wait for the official results to come in. If you feel that Zimmerman is going to walk hen you should be in position now.