Wednesday, November 21, 2007

GOT JOKES?

The emails have been flowing all week at work, home, text messages, message boards and even in the grocery store check out. Here are some of the better ones I have received over the past 4 days.
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A KU fan was driving home from a national taxidermy convention in St. Louis. He got kind of tired and hungry, and decided to pull over to a quaint little bar in Columbia to get a bite to eat.

He stepped inside, and immediately could feel the whole place's eyes on him. It was clear these people didn't take to kindly to outsiders. They were rather rough, country hillbilly looking folk. Just the same, he stepped up to the bar and sat down.
The redneck looking-guy behind the bar eyed the KU fan suspiciously. "What are you doin' here?" he snarled. The KU fan said simply, "I'd like something to eat."

"Who are you?" growled the hillbilly. "Well," said the KU fan, "I'm heading back to Kansas--I just attended the taxidermy convention over the weekend."

All of the eyes in the place were still on him. "Taxidermy? What the hell is that?"

"Well, I clean and mount dead animals."

Immediately the KU fan could sense the tension in the bar start to ease. "Don't worry about it Jimbo," the hillbilly called back into the kitchen. "He's one of us."
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Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of an MU fan?

A: A tattoo
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What's the difference between a room full of Mizzou fans and a litter of puppies?
The puppies will stop whining eventually.
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A guy walks into a bar in Columbia, sits down at the bar and tells the bartender he has a great Missouri joke. The bartender states, "before you tell that joke, the two guys working the door played football at MU, the other bartender played basketball at MU, and the three guys at the other end of the bar were born and raised here in Columbia. Now I ask you, are you sure you want to tell that joke?" The guy replies, "hell no, I don't want to explain it seven times."
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Pink·el [pink - ehl], noun, verb, - ed, - ing

- noun

1. An unexpected sub-par team performance in NCAA football, usually resulting in a untimely and inopportune loss. The game usually features questionable coaching decisions and lack of adjustments.

Jim Tressel pulled a Pinkel when he lost at home against an underdog Illinois team, severely hurting the Buckeye's national championship hopes.

tr.v. pinkel - ed, pinel - ing

1. The completion or ongoing action of a Pinkel.

Mike Gundy stood stoically on the sideline as he Pinkeled away the game to Troy University.

Word History: The word Pinkel started as slang during the 2003 NCAA football season, when a talented Missouri football team traveled to Lawrence, KS and was upset by an unheralded squad that had finished 2-10 the previous season. Missouri went on to finish the season at 8-5, a 3 game improvement, but some questions lingered about Coach Pinkel's ability to match up with his border rival.
The word became an accepted part of the English vernacular during the 2004 season when Pinkel's Tigers, a pre-season Big 12 North favorite, lost in embarrassing fashion to Troy University, a program that just recently attained Division 1 status. Noted football analyst Lee Corso noted Pinkel's lack of adjustments and extreme "deer in headlights" look during the game. The word was applicable throughout the season and every season thereafter. The most egregious Pinkel by the Tigers during 2004 was against the rival Jayhawks, 3-7 at the time and starting their 4th string QB. They came to Columbia and upset a Missouri team still fighting for an opportunity to represent the Big 12 North in the conference championship game.
2005 and 2006 featured examples that cemented the word's meaning.

In 2005, the Tigers lost for the third straight season to the Jayhawks, during a period where the Kansas squad was mired in its worst offensive slump during the Mark Mangino era. The loss once again kept the Tigers from representing the Big 12 North in the Big 12 title game. In 2006, after a 6-0 start, coach Pinkel proceeded to lose a game after a generous pay raise. He also pulled possibly his greatest Pinkel, losing to an Iowa State squad spiraling out of control playing for a lame duck coach. The Big 12 denied Pinkel's request that the game be counted as a "moral victory" due to a controversial holding call near the end of the 4th quarter.
2007 has seen a lack of a Pinkel, as the Missouri coach fights to render the meaning of the word empty. He will get an opportunity in the season's most meaningful game, a match up against an 11-0 Jayhawk squad on a neutral field.