Thursday, November 29, 2012

Reasons Christmas Sucks in 2012

Remember when Christmas was enjoyable?  Well, it seems that those days are long gone thanks to the liberals, religious right, media and the retailers.  These aholes have taken what was the best holiday of the year and turned it into a nightmare.  

  • Liberals hate Christmas because it is too religious and hate Christ.
  • Religious Right Wingers hate Christmas because it isn't religious enough and hate Santa.
  • Retailers and Media have taken something fun and turned it into a Circus.

Even with all that Christmas is still my favorite time of the year despite the following antics by ass clowns, douche bags, atheist, holy rollers and just your everyday moron

1. Seeing 8 checkout lanes void from a cashier while you wait in a line 10 deep. What makes this even better is when you see 5 or 6 employees of the store standing around customer service chatting. You have two things to do. Scan items, collect money. that is all there is to it and you CAN'T EVEN DO THAT!

2. The jackass that follows you to your car in order to take your spot when you leave. This happened to me last week and I simply started my car, turned it back off and walked back into the store. The look on the guys face was priceless.

3. Special Buys. What a scam this is. In the fine print of the ad you will see the words limited quantity or only 7 per store. They do this to lure you into their store and switch you onto a more expensive product.

4. Blue Christmas lights. Why even bother? These are the ugliest lights on the planet (icicles from the gutters are a close 2nd). I have never met anyone that likes seeing those hideous things.

5. Drooping Christmas lights. If you are going to go to the effort of hanging them up make them straight. Nothing says WT more than drooping lights.

6. $10 gift cards. Really, what the hell are you suppose to purchase for $10, batteries. There is nothing wrong with a gift that costs $10 it shows that you put some thought and effort into it, This says that I didn't want to spend anytime shopping for you at all.

7. Holiday office parties - Nothing says Christmas like getting together with people that you see 50 hours a week, every week for a Dinner. Really, do we need to see these people after hours as well just because it is Christmas? Nobody I have asked this year likes these things yet they occur every damn year.

8. Traffic - This really needs no explanation.

9. People wishing me a happy holiday. Just say MERRY CHRISTMAS! Why the hell do we have to use code to speak of a holiday? Do I really need to have a Navajo Indian with me in order to speak at Christmas Time.

10. Holiday Tree vs. Christmas Tree - Who do these PC liberal douches think they are kidding with this crap.

11. Stores that advertise the Mail in Rebate price as opposed to the actual price. Anyone that has ever gone through the mail in rebate process understands that it is a hoax. Why do you have to wait 6 months to get $40? Microcenter is notorious for this.

12. Live Nativity Scenes. Does acting out a scene of the bible make you more religious than the next guy? If I wanted to see homeless people I would cross the state line.

13. Lazy Bell Ringers - I know that your job sucks but you could at least put some effort into it. You are competing for my change with the next charity, act like you want my quarter.

14. Crappy Holiday shows - Network execs think that we will watch anything that has Christmas in it. They will take C level sitcom stars from the 80's and put them on a set with snow, presents, a Christmas tree and some struggle and expect us to watch it. Christmas shows that were on TV USE TO BE GOOD. WTF HAPPENED.  When there is a Gangland Special on the elves of the North Pole we have gone to far

15. Atheist - Don't ruin our holiday just because you are going to hell. Also, don't protest our holiday and except a gift from us you damn heathens.

16. Pop Star Christmas music - Chris Brown kicking the crap out of elves to sleigh bells doesn't do much for me.

17. Christmas Clothing - This is some of the ugliest crap I have ever seen.

18. People that attend the Plaza Lighting ceremony - I guess I am missing it here, do the lights look different on Thanksgiving than they do on December 14th?

19. People that say that Christmas lights are bad for the environment.

20. Drawing names for gifts - This is a scam to ensure that unpopular and mean people get gifts at the office etc....

21. Stories on the homeless - Christmas seems to remind the media that they need to run specials on the homeless. It seems that the only day of the year they really need us is December 25th.

22. The exploitation of Snowmen and Reindeer on TV. Do we really need 5 frosty sequels and 3 Rudolph sequels?

23.  Branded Shopping Days - Black Friday, Green Tuesday, Cyber Monday, Small Business Saturday.  Kiss my ass retailers.

24.  Facebook Msgs that ask you to like if you believe in God.  I believe in Santa, go F yourself.

25.  Family freeloaders - These douche bags start showing up to family functions around the end of October JUST to ensure that they don't get left out of the gifts.  These people are the worst of the worst.

26.  "its the thought that counts"  Yeah right..

27.  People that think "Santa" ruined Christmas - Get over yourselves. Like THAT is the only thing made up on December 25th.  Last time I checked that wasn't exactly the day that Jesus was born either.

28.  Gifts made in your name to charities or naming a star for you etc..

29.  Christmas Layoffs - What kind of asshole fires someone the week after Christmas?  Your employees just spent a fortune on Christmas thinking that they would have a job next year and now, not so much.  If you cowards had any balls you would do it before the holidays.  But no, that might make your holiday season less enjoyable..

Merry Christmas,