Saturday, December 19, 2009

KCMO CHRISTMAS CD - REPOST




Coming soon to a JOCO retailer near you a new Christmas Classic brought to you by SOB Productions.

A VERY MERRY KCMO CHRISTMAS

1. The 12 months of Funkhouser

2. How the Squit stole Christmas

3. All I want for Christmas is my GED

4. Little Gunner Boy

5. I saw mommy getting pimped by Santa

6. Frosty the Dope Man

7. Rudolph the Red Nosed Drunk

8. The NAACP ain't coming to town

9. I'll be home for Chirstmas ( in 10-20 years)

10. Silver Glocks

11. White City Hall - A Squitiro Solo

12. KCMO got run over by Cordish Group

13. Have yourself an unaccredited education

14. Rocking around a stolen Christmas Tree

15. The night before depositions

16. Hark the Narc and let bullets ring

17. Santa Clause got stabbed walking through town.

18. Wheres the blow, wheres the blow, wheres the blow

RUN DMC CHRISTMAS

20 TOP CHRISTMAS SHOWS


IN NO ORDER

1. CHRISTMAS VACATION
2. A CHRISTMAS STORY
3. A CHRISTMAS CAROL
4. SCROOGED
5. CHARLIE BROWNS CHRISTMAS
6 RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
7. FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
8. MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET
9. HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
10. THE SANTA CLAUSE
11. MR. MAGOOS CHRISTMAS
12. MICKEYS CHRISTMAS CAROL
13. NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
14. THE FAMILY MAN
15. ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE
16. EMMIT OTTERS JUG BAND CHRISTMAS
17. ELF
18. POLAR EXPRESS
19. THE REF
20. HOME ALONE

REPOST - 22 CHRISTMAS TAKES

This is the revised version of last years list.

1. Seeing 8 checkout lanes void from a cashier while you wait in a line 10 deep. What makes this even better is when you see 5 or 6 employees of the store standing around customer service chatting. You have two things to do. Scan items, collect money. that is all there is to it and you CAN'T EVEN DO THAT!

2. The jackass that follows you to your car in order to take your spot when you leave. This happened to me last week and I simply started my car, turned it back off and walked back into the store. The look on the guys face was priceless.

3. Special Buys. What a scam this is. In the fine print of the ad you will see the words limited quantity or only 7 per store. They do this to lure you into their store and switch you onto a more expensive product.

4. Blue Christmas lights. Why even bother? These are the ugliest lights on the planet (icicles from the gutters are a close 2nd). I have never met anyone that likes seeing those hideous things.

5. Drooping Christmas lights. If you are going to go to the effort of hanging them up make them straight. Nothing says WT more than drooping lights.

6. $10 gift cards. Really, what the hell are you suppose to purchase for $10, batteries. There is nothing wrong with a gift that costs $10 it shows that you put some thought and effort into it, This says that I didn't want to spend anytime shopping for you at all.

7. Holiday office parties - Nothing says Christmas like getting together with people that you see 50 hours a week, every week for a Dinner. Really, do we need to see these people after hours as well just because it is Christmas? Nobody I have asked this year likes these things yet they occur every damn year.

8. Traffic - This really needs no explanation.

9. People wishing me a happy holiday. Just say MERRY CHRISTMAS! Why the hell do we have to use code to speak of a holiday? Do I really need to have a Navajo Indian with me in order to speak at Christmas Time.

10. The Mayors Christmas Tree - This has become a joke. This guy is terrible at amaking choices. Two examples, his wife and the Christmas Tree.

11. Stores that advertise the Mail in Rebate price as opposed to the actual price. Anyone that has ever gone through the mail in rebate process understands that it is a hoax. Why do you have to wait 6 months to get $40? Microcenter is notorious for this.

12. Live Nativity Scenes. Does acting out a scene of the bible make you more religious than the next guy? If I wanted to see homeless people I would cross the state line.

13. Lazy Bell Ringers - I know that your job sucks but you could at least put some effort into it. You are competing for my change with the next charity, act like you want my quarter.

14. Crappy Holiday shows - Network execs think that we will watch anything that has Christmas in it. They will take C level sitcom stars from the 80's and put them on a set with snow, presents, a Christmas tree and some struggle and expect us to watch it. Christmas shows that were on TV USE TO BE GOOD. WTF HAPPENED.

15. Atheist - Don't ruin our holiday just because you are going to hell. Also, don't protest our holiday and except a gift from us you damn heathens.

16. Pop Star Christmas music

17. Christmas Clothing - This is some of the ugliest crap I have ever seen.

18. People that attend the Plaza Lighting ceremony - I guess I am missing it here, do the lights look different on Thanksgiving than they do on December 14th?

19. People that say that Christmas lights are bad for the environment.

20. Drawing names for gifts - This is a scam to ensure that unpopular and mean people get gifts at the office etc....

21. Stories on the homeless - Christmas seems to remind the media that they need to run specials on the homeless. It seems that the only day of the year they really need us is December 25th.

22. The exploitation of Snowmen and Reindeer on TV. Do we really need 5 frosty sequels and 3 Rudolph sequels?

ACHMED CHRISTMAS

Saturday, December 12, 2009

THE WIRE - KC, HOME OF THE GUN CLAP

Gang bangers in the metro are getting lazy and no longer hiding the bodies of their victims.  There was a time in this town when you killers took pride in their work and actually did a professional job.  These generation X killers are getting sloppy and lazy. 



1,  Driving home from a night of crime is no longer safe in KCMO.
2.  Our killers get more done before 6pm than most.  
3.  One would think that having two wives would be punishment enough....
4.  This story says that two kids were taken to a juvenile facility after the police had to be called to their school to break up a fight.  Aren't KCMO schools the same thing?  Hell the kids might be safer in jail
5.  If this were a black church this fire would of been called a hate crime before the investigation even started.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE MICROPHONE

SNOOP DOGG - I WANT TO ROCK

QUICK HITS - RESTRAINT

Internet Fact: 145:34.  When writing a blog there is no doubt that you will come across mentally unstable people.  I say this now for everyone to see(just in case) due to the recent harassment that I have undergone for linking to another mans blog in my blogroll.  The safety of myself and my family is now in question due to a link on the internet. 

1.  Our Muslim president hates Christmas.

2.  Tiger Woods is set to quit golf.  I guess working those 4 days a week in interfering with his adultery.

3.  If you are too dumb to use Face Book............

4.  Further proof that the Swine Flu isn't anywhere near as dangerous as the government would lead you to believe.

5.  People that claim to be Animal Tamers get what they deserve in the end. 

6.  Cash is more important than serving the people of his state for Harry Reid.

7.   Obama hires wealth police.

8.  Crips and Bloods have clearer rules of engagement that our soldiers fighting terrorist.

9.  The woman that has had her 19th kid needs to get spayed. 

10.  As most Americans suffer through this recession the bastards at the government are getting rich.