THE WIRE - WEEKEND KETCHUP

As Jocoians we need to be thankful that we don't live in these hell holes. While we were busy eating turkey and hanging up Christmas lights the rest of the Metro was busy going East Side.

1. Have you ever read a story in which the street Van Brunt was involved in Crime? Shooting at 7th and crap.
2. This is the second time that this store has made THE WIRE. Hispanic on Hispanic crime is rampant in Olathe.
3. KCK Police Standoff sparks the beginning of the Holiday Season.

4. My mother use to tell me that nothing good happens after midnight....In KCMO the same can be said for 5:30. This poor bastard was gunned down at 2am. Season Greetings.
5. STL carjackers give themselves the death penalty.

6. Barbershop 3. Burn them bitches down.

SONG OF THE YEAR 2008 - HIP HOP

HANDS DOWN.

HIP HOP FLASH BACK

Saw him in concert out in Cali shortly after this album dropped.

WHAT I AM THANKFUL FOR

This list could be a long one but nobody wants to read that crap. Instead I have simplified it all to the one constant in my life that has made what I have now possible, my wife.

My wife saved me. I was not exactly a good person when I came back from the Marine Corp. I was pissed, short tempered, violent and bored and felt like I had no future. I ran with a crowd that no longer exists. Most of them are now statistics that I am sure were chronicled on some other jackass's blog. I had my own brushes with death and never learned, no matter how much my parents tried I never listened to them. I had no desire to be the person that they raised me to be or the person that I was capable of being.

Then I met my wife. It may sound corny to say that she made me want to be a better person but she did. She for some reason saw the good in me but wouldn't have a real relationship with me until I changed my ways. She said this to me without uttering a single word other than NO.

This was all 14 years ago and I can honestly say that she has given me all of my reasons to be thankful. My wonderful daughters, my great job, our wonderful house, my relationship with my family are all from her.

Thank you honey, I love you.

QUICK HITS - THANKSGIVING EDIITION

TOP 10 STORIES THAT JOCOIANS NEED TO READ BETWEEN NAPS TODAY.

1. KCK residents can look forward to paying more for their utilities thanks to the crooks at the EPA.

2. Since JOCO is a safe wholesome community the police officers are free to get hammered on the job.

3. This is the Kansas Citian of the year???????? Give me a break! I am sick of rich people rewarding each other for sitting on boards. Who the hell in this city has heard of this chick before now? This award should go out to all Kansas Citians that work multiple jobs in order to provide for their families. Citizens that while having very little still find the time and resources to help others. Not some chick who happened to shake the right hands at the right parties this year.

4. The only thing worst than the last name is the woman. I now understand why Funkhouser is so tall. He has to grow to make room for his wifes hand that is lodged up his ass. If you have ever shaken the hand of this woman be sure to wash them right away.

5. Couple gets busted for having sex in handicapped stall at football game.

6. Isn't it good to know that we are spending billions of dollars on researching water sources in outer space while millions in Africa can't find a drop to drink on our planet?

7. Old person dies in Indiana. I guess that this is news to someone......

8. Missouri man nearly takes off the head of his daughter with electric saw.

9. G&R give us free Dr. Pepper.

10. People that follow celebrity relationships typically have no lives. There lack of lives force us to skim through the crappy headlines that they consider news in order to find real stories. On that note does anyone give a crap about an old woman and a baseball players relationship?

THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

I am typing this from my backup laptop due to the recent failure of the Sony Vaio. I am not sure how it happened or why a laptop that is seldom used and only a year old died on me. Is this a plot by the left to keep me down? Are KCMO residents trying to silence me? Did Omega Man use a gamma ray to wipe out my system start up? Probably not. This conspiracy is bigger than that. It involves a billionaire and a company that can't produce a single decent piece of software.

Mr. Gates,
I would like to thank you for designing software (Vista) that is so ineffective that it can render a $1000 worth of hardware useless. I know that a $1000 isn't much to a billionaire but for a middle class jocoian with a family of 4 it is a huge amount. Could you please send me a refund for the laptop that your company destroyed? I am not asking for anything above what I had, just a machine that works.
Thank you,
JOCO SOB

P.S. Take your Vista operating system and shove it up your white pasty ass. You my friend might be the biggest douche bag to walk the face of the earth. Who the hell else would release an operating system that crashes more than a blind person driving a stick shift? Thank you for ruining my holiday season you POS.

1 YEAR

I had an emailer inform me(thank you) that I have come to the One year anniversary of my blog (in its current format). When I started this thing I told myself that I would do it for a year and see what happens. True to my word I will now spend the next 4 days deciding whether or not to keep JOCO SOB open or simply go elsewhere.

IN THE SPIRIT OF EQUALITY

People often ask me why does a conservative such as myself read Tony's Kansas City and why don't I use this platform to bash him and counter his points everyday. I tell them that my blog is about tackling ideas, not people and being as tounge and cheek as possible unless those people themselves become newsworthy. I like his blog and the majority of his takes. Life would be boring if we all had the same point of view.

Today Tony posted a link on his blog about my take about Jackson County being a racist county and that JOCO is an inclusive community full of prosperity for all those inside. Inside the comments section was one of the most idiotic comments I have ever read regarding JOCO "elititst". The hate that people have in KCMO for JOCO is pretty funny when you think about it.

Here they are living in one of the most racist counties in the midwest, the schools suck, mayor sucks, infrastructure sucks, crime rate sucks, tax base sucks etc... and they are more concerned about JOCO than their own hood. Maybe that is the problem? Instead of blaming a county and its residents that aren't even in the same state as yours it might be beneficial to fix the glass in your house before trying to throw stones. YOU made your problems, not us.

Trust me, if JOCO was as jacked up as KCMO I wouldn't be bitching about KCMO residents.

QUICK HITS

TEN STORIES that thankful Jocoians should read this holiday season.

1. Craigslist can be a good place to trick attractive women into stripping for you, for free!

2. Is there an area in which KCMO is doing well? The services over there sucked before so I can only imagine how bad they will be now that they are going to be cut and under funded.

3. If you want job security you should become a mortician in KCMO.

4. Thanksgiving is under attack in Cali

5. If it weren't for THE OFFICE would anyone notice if NBC went out of business?
6. Man rapes daughter for 30 years and fathers his own grandchildren through her. This sick twisted piece of crap needs to be tortured in ways that I can't even describe.

7. Brittney Spears talks about how she feels.

8. Government run health care is under investigation for the death of a 28 year old woman weighing under 50lbs. You gotta love how the government takes care of people.

9. Former First lady goes to the ER.

10. When the hell did we start having "word of the year"?

CHAPPELLE ON INDIANS

The greatest philosopher of our time.