The balmy temperatures that we have had so far this winter makes me believe that there might be something to this Global Warming stuff. I would post more but I am headed to the pool......
Monday, December 22, 2008
THE BLOGGER REACH AROUND
Has anyone else been noticing the circle jerk going on amongst local bloggers? It is enough to make an Ethiopian spit up his last piece of rice. "Your blog is awesome", "Nooooo, your blog is the best", "Will you be my BFF?" To quote one Charles Brown, GOOD GRIEF. Get over yourselves people.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
THE WIRE - WEEKEND KETCHUP
I wonder how the cold weather effected the hardworking killers, dealers, bangers and whores of the Metro area.
1. Mental Case loose in KCK. Talk about finding a needle in a haystack............
2. Metro residents living in rural areas are no longer safe from the criminals ways of KCMO.
3. The odds of actually running across a taxi while in the metro are slim to none. That is what makes the story of this recent KCK shooting victim all that much more incredible.
4. Who hasn't killed someone this way??????????????
5. Lee's Summit is slowly turning into a KCMO anex. Yet another shooting in the burbs.
6. Talk about using your resources. This is a great story about a local prison escape.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
QUICK HITS
If you read these stories you will have something to talk about today. So be interesting today instead of your usual dry, boring, ignorant self.
1. It is a good day in America when Union workers have to go without work for a month. Merry Christmas UAW from Chrysler.
2. Is the eating of cats really the biggest "RIGHTS" problem the people of China are facing?
3. Is anyone going to shed a tear over an MSNBC reporter getting mugged?
4. SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!! not really. Obama Stimulus package is going to be full of pork. I thought Muslims hated pork?
5. Can you really trust the Church nowadays?????????????????
6. How do I get one of these bags?
7. I didn't think that the G Spot was such a controversial subject?
8. KCMO IS FIGHTING CRIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding, they are instead focusing in on invading your privacy and preventing red light running.
9. Wal Mart removes Pro Islamic doll from shelves.
10. OOPS!
PUBLIC SCHOOLS THEN VS NOW
I got this in the email this morning from a reader and had to put it up. Enjoy!
Public School -- 1957 vs. 2008
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2008 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2008 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2008- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy .
ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?
This so called Death Map will tell you what your chances of dying are based off of where you live. I have to believe that the East Side of KCMO is deadlier than a hurricane or tornado.
WAY TO GO ROGER
It seems like anyone and everything associated with Roger Clemens his year has turned to crap. Now it turn out that Mindy McCready has attempted to kill herself due to it being leaked that Roger cheated on his wife with her when she was 16 years old.
THE JOCOSOB WORST PERSON OF THE YEAR
For being more liberal than most liberals
For not having the right strategy for Iraq
For not being able to catch Bin Laden in 7 years
For pushing our country into socialism
For reaching across the aisle and not getting anything in return
For doing such a piss poor job than an idiot with no experience seemed capable of taking his place
For being unmotivating and reactionary
For letting me down.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
QUICK HITS
Top 10 stories that well informed JOCOIANS should be reading today.
1. Pretty soon you will have to pay a tax if you take more than one dump a day in NYC.
2. Is Steve Jobs sick? IPOD owners every where need to keep an eye on this guys health.
3. Bush tries to defend his leap into socialism.
4. Yet another Obama associate is heading into legal problems. This time it couldn't of happened to a more deserving guy.
5. Woman PTA leader caught banging 13 year old boy in the back of her car. IN THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT!
6. Isn't it great that our government is giving the title CZAR to posts in charge of segments of our economy?
7. What kind of sick parents would name their kid ADOLPH HITLER?
8. I still remember watching this made for tv movie when I was kid and it has scared me ever since. I hope that this is really the guy and it brings closure for the family.
9. Arabs to cut oil production in an effort to screw you at the pump.
10. Time says that Obama is the Person of the year. BIG F'n SURPRISE!
WEDNESDAYS WITH DR. SOB
Due to the overwhelming response to last weeks section on sex articles in the news I have decided to make this a weekly section of the blog.
1. It turns out that teens teaching other teens about sex was a bad idea. Slutty teens will now have to find other ways to work on their leadership skills.
2. Sex takes 2nd behind the internet. What they didn't ask is if they would choose sex or Internet without porn....
3. Celebrate the birth of Christ with sex.
4. Heidi Klum discusses how she gets her self in the mood........
5. When is it considered cheating? Didn't we get all of these answers from "Road Trip"?
6. Did you know that NYC has a museum of sex?
7. Creepy trends in Techy Sex products.
8. "Sex workers rights"??????? Good lord.
9. Ten worst sex tips given by Cosmo
10. The easiest article to write I have ever seen on the internet "men like lingerie"
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