HOW MANY POLAR BEARS CAN YOU KILL?

I want you to read this story and then add up the number of gadgets that you have in your house that will end up killing polar bears and apply that number to 1 polar bear death. Those of you in KCK and KCMO need not take this test because well, you are poor and don't have gadgets.
Gadgets mentioned.

• Flat Screens
• IPODS
• MP3 Players
• Mobile Phones.
• Laptops
• Digital Cameras
• Desktop Computers

I am pleased to announce that my family will be killing 17 polar bears

PAYBACK - AUTO SALESMEN PREPARE TO BE F'D

Finally some good news for those of you that have been screwed over by car salesmen. I say that we post jobs asking for previous auto sales experience. Once they come in put them in a conference room and drag them through a 3 hour interview. Then when the interview is done offer them minimum wage. When they reject that offer tell them that you are going to go speak with your manager about getting you more money. Make them sit in the conference room for 2 more hours and THEN come back and offer them 25 cents over minimum wage. Tell them that is there last offer but you will throw in an hour for lunch.

After all of that fun is over kick their ass's to the curb.

OPRAH IS DANGEROUS.

Oprah is ruining Americas reputation across the globe. First she opens up a Rape school in South Africa and now she is out to destroy the rain forest. Where is the outrage from all of the liberals on this crap?

Maybe Americas poor should be glad that she would rather help the poor in Africa than in her own country.

This post is suppose to go up on Wednesday mornings but thanks to my friends at Yahoo it is a little bit late. Regardless, Bills post are big hits and I look forward to them every week.
Enjoy,
JOCOSOB

Preparation is the key!

Ok, regardless of our political leanings, we can all agree that spring is here. That means is may be time to think about painting the outside of your home. I covered some of the things to look for in a previous column. I want to go a little more in depth on preparation this week.

It seems these days that there are MANY more painting companies out there than ever before. Why? Blame the economy! With new construction grinding to a halt, a lot of new home painting contractors are out there with nothing to do. Why is this a problem? Many of them are no as familiar with painting existing homes. It’s a totally different ballgame. Not only are these people bringing prices down (good for the consumer) they are lowering overall quality and longevity (bad for the consumer!)

PAINTING IS NOT A COMMODITY! All painters are NOT created equal.

I don’t care what the paint companies say, no paint project is going to last without proper preparation.

1: Power washing. This important step is designed to clean the dirt and chalk from the siding, trim and windows. Chalk is the white film that appears as your paint wears out. It is much more apparent on cheaper paints, but it is considered normal. Power washing can also remove loose paint from your home. Small electric washers just won’t cut it, neither will most 5hp washers. It takes a little practice to use the right pressure and distance to balance between cleaning and doing damage.

This is what happens when you don’t power wash! The chalk won’t let the new paint stick and it comes off in sheets!

2: Scraping. This is an important step and should be done in conjunction with power washing. Use of sharp, carbide tipped scrapers will do a better job of removing paint than cheap scrapers. The goal is to remove ALL of the paint that is currently loose and maybe a little more just to make sure. Again, the whole point is to have a sound surface for the new paint to stick to.

3: Caulking. This is a tricky one! First of all, use a good quality caulk. Caulks are graded by life expectancy, from 25 years to 55 years. Will they really last that long? Probably not! Higher quality caulks will last longer by staying flexible longer. Whatever you do, DO NOT USE SILICONE! Paint will not stick to silicone caulking. Different homes require caulking in different places. It is possible to do too much caulking. The goal is to keep air and water from getting behind the surface, whether it be stucco, wood, fiber-cement or composite siding. Make no mistake, water WILL get in, do you have to give it a way to escape. A professional painter knows how to do this properly.

4: Priming. This is where the new home painters usually fail big time. Priming takes time and costs money. If they do prime, they may use a cheap latex primer. It just doesn’t work as well as an oil-based primer. Usually the only areas that need primer are just where you have either new or bare wood. Most siding comes pre-primed as does some composite trim. If your home wasn’t primed in the past, you will know it soon after the power washing begins.

When these steps are performed properly, you ensure that you fresh coat of paint will last as long as it can. Be sure to use only 100% Acrylic paint for the outside of your home. A satin sheen will look nicer, but also last a good bit longer. Instead of absorbing the sunlight as a flat paint would, it reflects it, leading to longer life.

I’ve been painting homes in the Kansas City area for more than 15 years. There is little I haven’t seen or had to deal with in the past. This is why the Kansas City Star chose me to be the painter on their “Handyman” panel that runs in the House and Home section. If you have any questions for me visit my blog at: http://billthepainter.blogspot.com/

Thanks for reading!

YOU THINK YOU ARE IMPORTANT BUT......

"I can not with a clear conscious move forward supporting and promoting the Miss Universe Organization when I no longer believe in it, or the contracts I signed committing myself as a youth,"
Shanna Moakler

You really aren't. You work for a freaking BEAUTY PAGEANT

QUICK HITS - OPERATION STORM WATCH

This blog has been in Operation Storm Watch since 6am this morning. If you will look at radar you can clearly see that it is sprinkling in Dodge City. While this is not a threat to the metro right now we do have people that read this blog in Dodge City so we want to ensure their safety. "The Wire" will be posted at a later date yet to be determined.

1. KCMO residents don't see anything wrong with jacking a cab driver for beer money.

2. Kansas Citys local alternative paper can expect an increase in ad revenue after this announcement.

3. Photos of Rosie ODonell laying on the beach naked are made public today.

4. Xanax + Chimp = funny as hell 911 tape.

5. Hillary Clinton has a thing for Asian men.

6. Anyone that shoots someone over a messed up food order is OK in my book. Like you haven't wanted to do it!

7. Government controlled wages comming to a private company near you.

8. Nerdy chicks are better in bed than hot ditzy chicks.

9. Didn't we all know that Obama supporters were internet savy?

10. Picture of Boy on Milk Carton not paying off like they hoped.

BEST AROUND

Is this the best song EVER in a movie? If it isn't then it should be in the conversation.

WHICH IS DIRTIER

An Anal Probe or a Pelosi Probe?

WILD TIMES HEADING TO KCMO

I hope that everyone is ready for what could be one of the biggest party events to hit the metro in the last 10 years. I have just learned that there will be a NATIONAL PEZ convention in kcmo on the 23rd of May. The event will be held in KC's East Side on the UMKC campus.

What an awesome combination. Pez Collectors and KCMO gangsters. Awesome.

ITS NAP! Update

This chick is the most brainless person in all of D.C. (and that is saying something) yet she is being considered for the SUPREME COURT? Have they not been paying attention?????????????

GREEDY HOMELESS PEOPLE

For far to long homeless people have been living an easy life. They don't have to worry about work, family, car payments or house payments. Well that is all changing. Your friendly neighborhood liberals have decided to charge these poor bastards rent in NYC.

When I first read this story I thought it was an Onion story.

BUY BLACK? WTF?

Holy crap! Can someone please tell me how this crap isn't racist. Could you imagine people starting a "buy white" movement?

This country gets more F'd up each and everyday that goes by as Obamas friends get more and more behind the scenes power.

WHY PAY?

Why in the hell are we still paying for Social Security? Lets face it, most of us that are still working are never going to see a dime of this yet the government continues to steal from our paychecks. What are we paying for exactly?

There needs to be a cutoff age established and a closing of this program. Example; If you were born before 1959 you should still contribute and receive your Social Security benefits. Anyone born after that should be left the hell alone.

SAD DAY FOR CRIME

It is a bad day for everyone when mafia families are having their homes foreclosed on. We use to be a country that allowed organized crime to grow and thrive in order to restrict criminal activities in our cities. Now we foreclose their homes, put them in prisons and smear their good names.

Can any of you honestly say that you are safer without the Mafia than you were with the Mafia? The answer is no!.

NANNY STATE GROWTIH

This one MIGHT take the cake. Your friendly socialist leaders plan on taxing SODA POP because it is considered unhealthy. If this happens there will be no stop to it. These bastards want to control what you eat, drink, drive, think and live. They use fear, intimidation, taxes and environmental scare tactics to get this done.

Do people really like having the government have this control over their lives?