THE WIRE

Business is up today folks.

1. KCK Trailer Parks kick it up a notch. Nothing beats a good trailer park crime.

2. 11pm+ E. 25th street = Shooting. That my friends is a KCMOSD story problem.

3. When you rob a drive through do you ask for the money at the menu or wait until you pull around to the 1st drive through window?

4. Outbreak of Auto crimes in Happy Rock.

5. Once again I repeat that there is no Arson problem in KC. LOOK AWAY.

JOCO IS UNDER ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After reading about this Shawnee High School student getting stabbed in the gut today during a robbery and the purse snatching in Olathe what else is one to think??

In 2008 the residents of KCK and KCMO were robbing each other but in 2009 the robbing and stabbing of JOCOians seems to be the new thing. I have been warning the residents of our fine county about this for the past year but did anyone listen to me? Nooooooooooooo.

It is time to seal off 435, 635, I35 and 18th street expressway. We need to start checking license plates of cars entering our county and only allow people in that have work visas or permission from a mayor to enter. These are the first steps, stay tuned for more.

AWESOMENESS

When you type in "caroline kennedy dumb" I am your first result.

THE WIRE

I guess "stop shooting people" wasn't exactly a popular new years resolution in KCMO.

1. Drive-by from Honda hits dude in his hand...Is that really a crime for KCMO? How many times have we read about people with half of their guts missing driving themselves to the doctors office for help? I'm surprised that this one was even called in.

2. Gun Point robberies hit Olathe. Unlike the story above this (in scale) is a more serious crime. We can not allow this type of thing to continue in our county (even if it is Olathe).

3. I guess the story here is that someone in KCK actually reported a crime. Dunno, kudos to them for knowing to dial 911 I guess.

DID I MENTION EARLIER THAT A WOMAN GOT STABBED BY A CRACK PIPE? BEST STORY EVER.

CERTAIN SENTENCES GRAB YOUR ATTENTION

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A teen who was shot on Friday has died.

Freddy H. Medina, 16, was shot in the head at his family's home in the 3700 block of Bales Avenue.

Police say Freddy and 3 friends were drinking in his bedroom at around 1:30 a.m. Freddy had bought a rifle on the street earlier, and the friends began posing for photos with the gun.

One friend lost his grip on the rifle. When the gun began to fall, he tightened his grip again which caused the gun to accidentally fire.

The friends all then ran from the house.

Family members heard the gunshot. Freddy's mother ran to his room and found her son, wounded and alone. The back door of their home was open.

Homicide detectives questioned the friends and released them, pending further investigation.

Freddy died in a hospital on Monday.

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That sentence speaks volumes for the crime and media coverage of what is going on in KCMO. The mention that he purchased the gun on the street like it was no big deal. Good Luck KCMO you are going to need it.

THE HIPSTER CHICK

Somebody that reads my stupid worthless blog sent me this picture today after reading my hipster post from yesterday. Isn't she hot (eww).

These chicks can be found here in the metro at the Crossroads District, Westport, Whole Foods, Any coffee house that isn't starbucks, and at used book stores. But most of all they can be found writing blogs in the metro area.

If you see one of these chicks it is important to remain calm and not cause trouble. For some reason these women menstruate 28 days a month (in February you are screwed). Do not make eye contact and whatever you do don't try to figure out what the hell she is wearing.

FUNKHOUSER ATTENDS DEDICATION OF HISTORIC LANDMARK

Can someone please tell me why a grocery store is having a dedication ceremony? Is it Historic to be able to purchase groceries? I guess we jocoians are spoiled with our ability to purchase food.

I thought dedication ceremonies were for historic monuments, new bridges, college buildings, ships etc... Not for retail grocery stores looking to make a buck.

LEARY TUESDAYS

Dennis Leary and Jeremy Pivens going back and forth is awesome in this movie

THIS STORY COULD ONLY TAKE PLACE IN KCMO

I am not even going to wait until tomorrow's "The Wire" section because this story and headline deserve their own spot. "WOMAN STABBED WITH CRACK PIPE". Holy crap! You know things are tough when chicks are getting stabbed with freaking crack pipes. And what about the poor crack head. How the hell is he going smoke his rocks without his pipe?

Is it possible that with only 5 days past in 2009 that we have all ready had the best freaking headline? You KCMO bastards crack my ass up.

UPDATE
When you go to google news search and use the search string "stabbed with crack pipe" only one story IN THE WHOLE HISTORY OF CRACK SMOKING shows up.

EPA HAS LOST THEIR FREAKING MINDS

Are they seriously thinking about taxing cows for their odor?? You Global warming believers are the most psychotic bunch of ass clowns I have ever seen. IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT IN AMERICA THAT ISN'T TAXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEXT TIME YOUR WIFE TELLS YOU.........

For centuries men have been hearing how painful childbirth is but TODAY that has all changed. According to this story women often have orgasms during child birth. Pretty sick stuff right? I mean who sits in an office and thinks about studying this crap. But at least now men can point to this article when their wife or whore is complaining about giving birth and say "yeah right"

HOW THE RECESSION WILL END THE COFFEE HOUSE HIPSTER

If there is one thing that the metro area is full of it is coffee house dipsh*ts. These are the people that seem to have no job, life, family or goals other than making it to the coffee house in the morning and trying to make themselves look as repulsive as possible. Well there is good news Kansas City, that will soon be ending.

With the economy hitting the skids and people competing for jobs it will no longer be "cool" to be marginally employed. There will be enough of those people with out them having to try in 2009. Now this is where trickle down hipster economics comes into play and will finally put to an end the wannabe New Yorkers in the metro.
Less people working means that

There will be less new clothing bought...This means there will be less clothing donated to thrift stores which will drastically effect how they dress.

There will be less high end coffee bought...This means that Coffee Houses may start charging more for the low end stuff and putting restrictions on refills, What will yo do?

Free Wifi will become a thing of the past.........This will eliminate half of the crappy blogs on the internet because we all know that hipsters can't pay for their own internet.

People with good work ethic will be laid off. This means that you can no longer do a half ass job and expect to keep it. You will be one step closer to trading in your Hot Coffee for a cup of Hot Soup at the City Union Mission.

New Car sales will drop and people will hold onto their cars longer. Now you are really screwed, because you can't afford a new car and with a limited supply of used cars you can expect those prices to rise as well. Welcome to a life of bus riding and hitch hiking.

People will no longer be able to afford expensive groceries. This means that places like whole foods will become a thing of the past. There go your Wheat Grass shots.

These are just a few examples of how the recession will make the emo coffee house hipster a thing of the past. But at least you voted for a guy that has no experience in the White House to preserve your lifestyle. HAHAHAHAHAHA

JOCO RESIDENTS SHOULD AVOID 635

The good folks of KCK have decided to add the highways to their war zone. I suggest taking 435 to the race track, village west and the airport. The scenery is better and it appears that you will be a lot safer.

Remember it is not polite of us to get in the way of good ole fashion drug wars.

GOOD YOUTUBE VIDEO ON ISRAEL V HAMAS

IS ART BELL PROVEN RIGHT?

This story could give some support to the mans quest to prove that UFO's exist. I for one don't believe that there is such a thing as UFO's, hell I have a hard enough time believing that we landed on the moon.