SAY GOOD BYE TO 325I GUY

As I was pondering the positive things that could come out of this economic crapper a vision appeared. I am not sure if it was fumes from my efforts to increase global warming or if was just one of those plain as day observations. Anyways, Living in JOCO the one guy that bugs me the most is BMW 325i guy.

This guy is the most annoying dweeb to cruise the streets of JOCO in his pimped out 325i. This is the same guy that has his abercrombie shirt collar popped, blasting emo music at stop lights and sipping on his double machiato latte with skim milk on his way to his job working as a junior sales rep for a pharmacutical company(isn't that where they all end up). His whole identity is his 325i and that says a lot.

Those of us that live in JOCO know that the 325i in nothing more than a Chevy Cavalier with leather seats and a navigation system. BMW makes this car so that we can spot posers and avoid them at all costs. BMW also knows that this person will pay $400 a month on a lease just to appear cool, when the car itself is nothing more than a method of displaying the BMW signal.

It like its owner is a perfect example of symoblism over substance.

With the recession breathing down our knecks this guy is gone and JOCO can rid itself of yet another example of douchebaggery.

IF ANY OF YOU FORGOT TO GET ME A KWANZA GIFT

Here is a suggestion.

THE WIRE

If the people of KCMO's East Side read this blog there would be a drop in homicides. People keep on getting killed making the same mistakes that murder victims before them made just weeks ago.

1. How many murders start with walking down a side walk after midnight? MOST OF THEM!!!!!!!!

2. If sending threatening and intimidating emails was a crime then half the people that read this blog would be locked up.

3. Kansas City needs better live coverage of Police chases. There is no reason that I should hear about this crap 24 hours after it happens.

PALESTINIANS IN FLORIDA "JEWS GO BACK IN OVEN"

It just keeps getting worst. I told you last week that when you saw those protesters down at the plaza that this is what they were thinking. There is no way possible that a truce can survive. It is time that we get the hell out of Israels way and let them do whatever it takes to make them safe from these groups of hate.

THE DIFFERNCE BETWEEN EXTREMIST MUSLIMS AND HITLER IS WHAT?

This story is yet another story demonstrating the muslims will not rest until Jewish people are wiped off the face of the Earth. Are the World Leaders and ignorant protesters hoping for another holocaust? The answer of course is yes. Why else would they be tolerant towards these people?

Let Israel finally end this crap and turn the loose to kill as many of these terrorists that they can. We should be applauding them not protesting them or attacking them int the streets.

YOUR DR. SOB LINKS OF THE WEEK

Here is your collection of noteworthy articles dealing with sex for this week. Keep in mind that all of these are found on reputable news sources that I get all over my other info from.

1. Nothing says healthy like a chick with a little junk in the trunk according to these doctors.

2. Hefner adds another blond to his herd of bright chicks with high self esteem.

3. It is now a fact. Mississippi is home to the skankiest chicks in the country.

4. Teens let it all hang out on social networking sites
5. Some people collect baseball cards, comic books, stamps, etc... What does Carmen Electra collect?

6. This man prefers blow up dolls to women.

7. Oklahoma woman must pay $350 fine for having sex with dogs.

8. Thin people have better sex. Wow, I am glad that study was done.

THE WIRE

Business is up today folks.

1. KCK Trailer Parks kick it up a notch. Nothing beats a good trailer park crime.

2. 11pm+ E. 25th street = Shooting. That my friends is a KCMOSD story problem.

3. When you rob a drive through do you ask for the money at the menu or wait until you pull around to the 1st drive through window?

4. Outbreak of Auto crimes in Happy Rock.

5. Once again I repeat that there is no Arson problem in KC. LOOK AWAY.

JOCO IS UNDER ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After reading about this Shawnee High School student getting stabbed in the gut today during a robbery and the purse snatching in Olathe what else is one to think??

In 2008 the residents of KCK and KCMO were robbing each other but in 2009 the robbing and stabbing of JOCOians seems to be the new thing. I have been warning the residents of our fine county about this for the past year but did anyone listen to me? Nooooooooooooo.

It is time to seal off 435, 635, I35 and 18th street expressway. We need to start checking license plates of cars entering our county and only allow people in that have work visas or permission from a mayor to enter. These are the first steps, stay tuned for more.

AWESOMENESS

When you type in "caroline kennedy dumb" I am your first result.

THE WIRE

I guess "stop shooting people" wasn't exactly a popular new years resolution in KCMO.

1. Drive-by from Honda hits dude in his hand...Is that really a crime for KCMO? How many times have we read about people with half of their guts missing driving themselves to the doctors office for help? I'm surprised that this one was even called in.

2. Gun Point robberies hit Olathe. Unlike the story above this (in scale) is a more serious crime. We can not allow this type of thing to continue in our county (even if it is Olathe).

3. I guess the story here is that someone in KCK actually reported a crime. Dunno, kudos to them for knowing to dial 911 I guess.

DID I MENTION EARLIER THAT A WOMAN GOT STABBED BY A CRACK PIPE? BEST STORY EVER.

CERTAIN SENTENCES GRAB YOUR ATTENTION

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A teen who was shot on Friday has died.

Freddy H. Medina, 16, was shot in the head at his family's home in the 3700 block of Bales Avenue.

Police say Freddy and 3 friends were drinking in his bedroom at around 1:30 a.m. Freddy had bought a rifle on the street earlier, and the friends began posing for photos with the gun.

One friend lost his grip on the rifle. When the gun began to fall, he tightened his grip again which caused the gun to accidentally fire.

The friends all then ran from the house.

Family members heard the gunshot. Freddy's mother ran to his room and found her son, wounded and alone. The back door of their home was open.

Homicide detectives questioned the friends and released them, pending further investigation.

Freddy died in a hospital on Monday.

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That sentence speaks volumes for the crime and media coverage of what is going on in KCMO. The mention that he purchased the gun on the street like it was no big deal. Good Luck KCMO you are going to need it.

THE HIPSTER CHICK

Somebody that reads my stupid worthless blog sent me this picture today after reading my hipster post from yesterday. Isn't she hot (eww).

These chicks can be found here in the metro at the Crossroads District, Westport, Whole Foods, Any coffee house that isn't starbucks, and at used book stores. But most of all they can be found writing blogs in the metro area.

If you see one of these chicks it is important to remain calm and not cause trouble. For some reason these women menstruate 28 days a month (in February you are screwed). Do not make eye contact and whatever you do don't try to figure out what the hell she is wearing.

FUNKHOUSER ATTENDS DEDICATION OF HISTORIC LANDMARK

Can someone please tell me why a grocery store is having a dedication ceremony? Is it Historic to be able to purchase groceries? I guess we jocoians are spoiled with our ability to purchase food.

I thought dedication ceremonies were for historic monuments, new bridges, college buildings, ships etc... Not for retail grocery stores looking to make a buck.

LEARY TUESDAYS

Dennis Leary and Jeremy Pivens going back and forth is awesome in this movie

THIS STORY COULD ONLY TAKE PLACE IN KCMO

I am not even going to wait until tomorrow's "The Wire" section because this story and headline deserve their own spot. "WOMAN STABBED WITH CRACK PIPE". Holy crap! You know things are tough when chicks are getting stabbed with freaking crack pipes. And what about the poor crack head. How the hell is he going smoke his rocks without his pipe?

Is it possible that with only 5 days past in 2009 that we have all ready had the best freaking headline? You KCMO bastards crack my ass up.

UPDATE
When you go to google news search and use the search string "stabbed with crack pipe" only one story IN THE WHOLE HISTORY OF CRACK SMOKING shows up.