THE WIRE - SPECIAL EDITION

Dear criminals of KCMO,
Congratulations on your recent victory at city hall. Apparently the lobbyist that you hired did his job right and actually got the violent city of KCMO to reduce the number of officers on the street. What is more impressive is that this was done right after one of the most violent years in KCMO history. So enjoy! Sell your drugs, do your drive by shootings, armed robberies, stabbings, rape and murders knowing that the chances of you getting caught have significantly decreased.

As a resident of JOCO I would like to thank the leadership of KCMO for making thier city more attracitve for criminals to work in. Thank You!

MAXIM COVERS

THE GREATEST SPORT EVER

How about a team from this league for a Sprint Center Anchor Tenant?

and yes they have trading cards

KCMOSD GUILTY OF RACISM?

I am sure that they aren't trying to target a Black Superintendent it just always seems to end up that way.

THE SEARCH IS OVER

The search for the dumbest chick alive ends today.

CHAPPELLE TUESDAYS

EAST SIDE TAKES STEP TO LURE NEW BIZ

Yeah right. You can all the "new tools" you want but if a freaking Church's Chicken is getting robbed how the hell do you expect a real business to open up down there?

DEFEATING THE PURPOSE

So you apply this by rubbing it into the problem area and it works? Does it cause blindness and zits? And when you are done applying it do you still need a partner?

QUICK HITS - BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

Mondays suck and anybody that says otherwise is a corporate kiss ass. "Oh I just love the start of the work week" F YOU BROWN NOSE!

1. The Peppermint Patties of JCCC make it big.

2. KCMO building follows the lead of citizens of the city and gives up.

3. Which came first, the teleprompter or Obama?

4. Only an Elitist douche like Prince Charles would think that this makes sense. This is further proof that inbreeding is dangerous.

5. Mayor Bloomberg needs to check his email a little more often.

6. Is Jules Winfield heading up foreign trade for China?

7. I don't really get the whole Beyonce obsession anymore. She use to be kinda cute but now she looks like the girl from Willie Wonka that ate the gum and turned into a Blueberry. Every time I see her she looks bigger than the last time.

8. Marital Rape? I don't get this. Wouldnt this be the same as Carjacking your own car?

9. Maybe this gal is jumping the gun on getting the 40 POUND TUMOR removed. I bet she woulda cleaned up in the freak porn business.

10. 500 movies on one DVD. AWESOME.

MEN ALL OVER ARE SAD AT THIS LOSS

Your Hotness Will Live Forever

NORTHEAST POLICE HOLD TRYOUTS

Did the extremely busy chalk outline officer for the North East area get carpel tunnels? If so this is a great way for them to hold tryouts for his/her replacement.

CARL EDWARDS IS AWESOME

DON'T FEAR, NAP IS HERE!

I don't know about the rest of you but I for one am glad that Nap is all over this one. Over the past two weeks this woman has demonstrated that she is more than ready to protect this country from all threats both big and small.

DEATH BY PIG

If you were to die of a sickness would you really want it to be called Swine Flu? What an embarrassing eulogy that would be. Can't we at least think of a cooler name than that? Swine flu just doesn't have the same ring to it as Ebola.

1. Let us all hope that Doug Heffernan is safe.

2. Drug Cartels cant clear the streets of Mexico but coughing pigs can.

3. As if the Europeans needed another reason to hate us.

4. Oops, too late. EU already screwed.

THE WIRE - WEEKEND KETCHUP

It isn't often that this city rises to the challenge but damn it this time they did. As I mentioned earlier this week things were a little bit to quiet shooting/murder wise in this town. I think that people were just happy with a good Q1 and resting a little bit. So I called them out and they answered. It is this type of attitude and work ethic that will bring America out of the recession!

1. 3 shot, one killed off Southwest blvd. Does this city have a "Blvd" that is safe?

2. East Side woman shot execution style off of Michigan Ave.