QUICK HITS - THANKSGIVING EDIITION

TOP 10 STORIES THAT JOCOIANS NEED TO READ BETWEEN NAPS TODAY.

1. KCK residents can look forward to paying more for their utilities thanks to the crooks at the EPA.

2. Since JOCO is a safe wholesome community the police officers are free to get hammered on the job.

3. This is the Kansas Citian of the year???????? Give me a break! I am sick of rich people rewarding each other for sitting on boards. Who the hell in this city has heard of this chick before now? This award should go out to all Kansas Citians that work multiple jobs in order to provide for their families. Citizens that while having very little still find the time and resources to help others. Not some chick who happened to shake the right hands at the right parties this year.

4. The only thing worst than the last name is the woman. I now understand why Funkhouser is so tall. He has to grow to make room for his wifes hand that is lodged up his ass. If you have ever shaken the hand of this woman be sure to wash them right away.

5. Couple gets busted for having sex in handicapped stall at football game.

6. Isn't it good to know that we are spending billions of dollars on researching water sources in outer space while millions in Africa can't find a drop to drink on our planet?

7. Old person dies in Indiana. I guess that this is news to someone......

8. Missouri man nearly takes off the head of his daughter with electric saw.

9. G&R give us free Dr. Pepper.

10. People that follow celebrity relationships typically have no lives. There lack of lives force us to skim through the crappy headlines that they consider news in order to find real stories. On that note does anyone give a crap about an old woman and a baseball players relationship?

THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

I am typing this from my backup laptop due to the recent failure of the Sony Vaio. I am not sure how it happened or why a laptop that is seldom used and only a year old died on me. Is this a plot by the left to keep me down? Are KCMO residents trying to silence me? Did Omega Man use a gamma ray to wipe out my system start up? Probably not. This conspiracy is bigger than that. It involves a billionaire and a company that can't produce a single decent piece of software.

Mr. Gates,
I would like to thank you for designing software (Vista) that is so ineffective that it can render a $1000 worth of hardware useless. I know that a $1000 isn't much to a billionaire but for a middle class jocoian with a family of 4 it is a huge amount. Could you please send me a refund for the laptop that your company destroyed? I am not asking for anything above what I had, just a machine that works.
Thank you,
JOCO SOB

P.S. Take your Vista operating system and shove it up your white pasty ass. You my friend might be the biggest douche bag to walk the face of the earth. Who the hell else would release an operating system that crashes more than a blind person driving a stick shift? Thank you for ruining my holiday season you POS.

1 YEAR

I had an emailer inform me(thank you) that I have come to the One year anniversary of my blog (in its current format). When I started this thing I told myself that I would do it for a year and see what happens. True to my word I will now spend the next 4 days deciding whether or not to keep JOCO SOB open or simply go elsewhere.

IN THE SPIRIT OF EQUALITY

People often ask me why does a conservative such as myself read Tony's Kansas City and why don't I use this platform to bash him and counter his points everyday. I tell them that my blog is about tackling ideas, not people and being as tounge and cheek as possible unless those people themselves become newsworthy. I like his blog and the majority of his takes. Life would be boring if we all had the same point of view.

Today Tony posted a link on his blog about my take about Jackson County being a racist county and that JOCO is an inclusive community full of prosperity for all those inside. Inside the comments section was one of the most idiotic comments I have ever read regarding JOCO "elititst". The hate that people have in KCMO for JOCO is pretty funny when you think about it.

Here they are living in one of the most racist counties in the midwest, the schools suck, mayor sucks, infrastructure sucks, crime rate sucks, tax base sucks etc... and they are more concerned about JOCO than their own hood. Maybe that is the problem? Instead of blaming a county and its residents that aren't even in the same state as yours it might be beneficial to fix the glass in your house before trying to throw stones. YOU made your problems, not us.

Trust me, if JOCO was as jacked up as KCMO I wouldn't be bitching about KCMO residents.

QUICK HITS

TEN STORIES that thankful Jocoians should read this holiday season.

1. Craigslist can be a good place to trick attractive women into stripping for you, for free!

2. Is there an area in which KCMO is doing well? The services over there sucked before so I can only imagine how bad they will be now that they are going to be cut and under funded.

3. If you want job security you should become a mortician in KCMO.

4. Thanksgiving is under attack in Cali

5. If it weren't for THE OFFICE would anyone notice if NBC went out of business?
6. Man rapes daughter for 30 years and fathers his own grandchildren through her. This sick twisted piece of crap needs to be tortured in ways that I can't even describe.

7. Brittney Spears talks about how she feels.

8. Government run health care is under investigation for the death of a 28 year old woman weighing under 50lbs. You gotta love how the government takes care of people.

9. Former First lady goes to the ER.

10. When the hell did we start having "word of the year"?

CHAPPELLE ON INDIANS

The greatest philosopher of our time.

THE WIRE

There is a good chance that the blog will be closed tomorrow to celebrate the exploitation of Native Americans by eating some Turkey and watching football. So I call on all local bloggers that cover crime in the Metro to give thanks to the murderers, carjackers, gangters, kingpins, pushers, pimps and hoes that have given us such wonderful material this year. With out the ignorance and lack of human decency that these folks have our post numbers surely wouldn't be what they are today.

In the Spirint of the holiday season I would like to give you this holiday quote to ponder this season. "Everytime a body drops a blogger gets a new visitor".

1. 50 year old man gets killed in the hood.

2. Dead man found in KCK parking lot.

3. Human Carving on Wabash.

4. KCK Gas Station Robbed.

THE PLOG HAS BEEN ON FIRE LATELY

Check out the recent story regarding the demise of the East Sides Crime fighter. On a side note, those of you wanting autographed SOB MAN action figures feel free to shoot me an email and I will try to get those out to you as soon as possible.

A SOLUTION TO HOMELESS HUNGER?

Remember the first time you saw a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup commercial on TV? Chocolate and Peanut Butter came together and there was that one guy that was a little skeptical about it until he tried it? Well keep that in mind as I announce a new initiative to solve the metros hunger problem for the homeless during the winter.

There is a story on KSHB's webiste that talks about the over population of deer in Shawnee Mission Park. The story gives out some ideas to curb the growth of the population but they all seem to be at the cost of the tax payers.

I say open up Shawnee Mission Park to the homeless for the winter and let them hunt the deer. Makes sense doesn't it? We can call it Hobo Hunting. Once the winter is over the homeless can go back to the overpass of their choice with as much Deer meat as they can carry. We could get companies such as Bass Pro Shop to sponsor the event by supplying tents and weapons so that there would be no cost to the tax payers. It seems to me that the only losers in this arrangement would be the deer.

LEFTOVERS IN THE MEDIA

I just finished reading a story on Tonys blog that discussed an issue of racism that took place over a month ago. Of course by reading the headline on Tonys blog and the story itself one would of thought that this story just happened, therefore creating an illusion of "rampant racism" in one of the most inclusive counties in the metro.
The story itself isn't worth reading and the indepth interviews by KCUR are a joke so I won't link it.

I wonder why there aren't any interviews taking place inside some of the KCMO schools about the racism towards white students or why there is never any in depth reporting on kill whitey graffiti on the city's east side. Why is it that Omega Man says that White people wouldn't dare walk in the neighborhoods that he walks in? Is he saying that the East Side is so full of hate and bigotry that a white person would be killed just for being white down there? And why is it that Jackson county is the most segregated county in the midwest? Who, how and when did Troost become an imagenary border? I am pretty sure that it wasn't a jocoian that made that so.

If ever there was a county that was racist it is Jackson County.

QUICK HITS

TEN STORIES BEING READ BY JOCOIANS TODAY.


1. While people in Missouri are dying at an increased rate, Kansas once again shows its superiority in quality of life.
2. You would think that we could get one benefit out of this crappy economy but the spandex clad death magnets refuse to quit.

3. Lezak is looking for lots of inches this winter.

4. Iranians like having unprotected sex.

5. Storming buildings with swords is back in.

6. Bush pardons John Forte. Maybe now we can get a new Fugee's album.

7. British kids don't know how to handle break ups. No word on whether or not his gf walked in and found him bleeding and decided to stab herself as well.

8. How do you accidentally flush a baby down the toilet?

9. Anyone that thought Tiger Woods was driving around in a LeSabre was on crack.

10. Teachers Aide by day, Porn star by night. I wonder how many men were involved in the PTO at that school. AND isn't it just like a bunch of women to want to get this woman fired?

MO' DEAD BODIES

When I read a story that says "shallow graves" I think about how lazy the murderer was. You just killed someone and hiding the bodies is key YET you don't take the time to hide the evidence in a deep grave?

Can't the killers of this city at least pretend that they care about getting caught and develop a little work ethic?

CHAPPELLE TUESDAY

THE WIRE

OMEGA MAN lets down a city once again.

1. It saddens me that that once promising Bannister Mall area has turned into such a crap hole. A decade ago an incident like this would of been shocking, now it is common.

2. Man shot in his home and then robbed of his car. GO EAST SIDE!

3. Dumb Ass.

4. You can't even build a house in Jackson County without the risk of being murdered.

WHY I LOVE THIS MAYOR

I just read this story on Northeast news.com and laughed my ass off.
The mayor of KCMO who is residing over bloodlust 08 and tried to push a blight rail to nowhere initiative through can't even fight graffiti. Two things that stuck out in this story. 1. The mayor couldn't properly fund a freaking antigraffiti program. 2. The mayor wanted a Graffiti COORDINATOR. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

This program was suppose to cost the lemming tax payers of KCMO aprox 250k. How many first responders could the city of hired instead of spending it on a failed graffiti program?