Showing posts with label NEWS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NEWS. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

QUICK HITS - BORING BLOGS


Have you noticed that a lot of once busy bloggers have fallen off the face of the earth or have resorted into posting about this mornings bowel movement? Good lord. I recently went through my blog roll and booted most of the metro bloggers ( I kept the best) due to the poop stains I was getting on my monitor when clicking their links. At least I know my blog sucks. Anyways, here are 10 stories that will be convered at length (boring) by other blogs looking to win a pulitzer.

1. Dog flu is coming to a canine near you. Is America ready to see the slaughtering of innocent canines to back the WHO? Or will America finally wake up and realize that we don't have third world medicine, yet.

2. Foxnews runs a story covering you sick bastards obsessed with womens FEET!

3. People are still losing their jobs despite Obama bankrupting our country and ruining capitalism.

4. Disgusting! Thats what I call a GREEN TRAIN! I say we go back to coal engines and really get crazy.

5. Perv GPS sales take a hit thanks to Kansas allowing free speech.

6. Consumers aren't buying crap despite the election of Obama. I don't get it. He was suppose to bring greatness...

7. This article could be either good or bad for men depending on who they are with..........

8. Isnt everything Unexpected in this administration? The say one thing and the other happens. These idiots will do and say anything to grab power.

9. Bill O'Reilly hates hot chicks on TV!

10. Speaking of hot chicks...........

Friday, June 26, 2009

Friday, May 29, 2009

"LASER"


You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here!

US scientist finally grant his wish.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

QUICK HITS - BACK IN DA SADDLE


Miss me? Probably not. While I was gone it seems that our socialist friend Claire got used and thrown to the side by Obama. It is kinda funny that she actually thought that Obama was going to put her on the supreme court. Face it Claire, you are an Obama whore whose payoff is going to be through his campaign fundraisers for you. And they say Pimping aint easy.......

1. Russian girl turns house pet.

2. Pink dolphin proves that contaminating waterways can be fun.

3. Our extremely butch head of homeland security barks at Canada.

4. PROBLEM SOLVED! White roofs will end global warming. That Obama guy has all the freaking answers.

5. I don't think that the NAACP has been notified yet that we elected a black president.

6. When will people learn that the world is safer with the mafia then without?

7. We have become a paranoid society. Why in the hell would we EVER think to prepare for a solar storm? Is this really a major concern right now? The douche bag that thought that NOW would be a good time to bring this up needs to canned.

8. Mike Tysons 4 year old daughter dies on treadmill.

9. Biden knows that Obama is a dumbass

10. Obamas Supreme Court choice is a racist. Big surprise right?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

QUICK HITS - KISS MY ASS SEA BASS


When paid columnist open up a blogger account it should be considerred a sign of defeat. Just do me a favor douche bag and try not to tarnish the good name of JOCO with your "blog. We don't need nerdy white dudes in bicycle shorts discussing their freaking pet cats. Take that crap to Starbucks and share it with other like minded douchebags.

Think about it. The crap that you get paid to write sucks so the stuff you write about for free has got to be complete garbage.

1. Maybe this will wake Obama up to the fact that our country is still at risk everyday. Probably not, but we can hope.

2. The closing of Gitmo is nothing more than another example of symoblism over substance. I say we put these bastards in Chicago.

3. This is a story about Bikini girl from American Idol. Nuf said.

4. Be proud America! Our astronauts drink their own piss. I guees springing for bottled water for these bastards wasn't in the Gazillion dollar Obama budget.

5. Socialist party circle their wagons to protect Pelosi from the truth.

6. 9 year old Cali kid watches as his parents get butchered in their own home.

7. The Emperor is showing some weakness after 100 + days of runing our country.

8. Government owns half of girls virginity.

9. Time Magazine puts Obama on cover for the 17th freaking time. I am not sure that Oprah has been on the cover of her own magazine as many times.

10. Its funny that a liberal news outlet like CNN would run a story regarding the paying off of personal debt........

Monday, May 18, 2009

QUICK HITS - YOU SICK BASTARDS


Is there anything more annoying than people complaining that its Monday on Facebook? Holy crap, yes Mondays suck but I don't need 400 people updating their status to say that.


1. I am amazed at the number of people that suddenly think that Tijuana is dangerous. I use to go down to TJ at least twice a month when I was stationed out in Cali and it was just as dangerous then as it is now.

2. Of course Republicans are happier than democrats. Democrats get elected due to the misery of others.

3. Louisiana continues to be the most dangerous place in America to live. Just ask this Middle School teacher that is alive due to the poor aim of one of his students.

4. Turned his life around? Sureeeeeeee. Hell why stop at letting him live, maybe we should release him since he is suddenly such a great guy.

5. While the rest of you once a year do gooders are making yourselves feel better on June 6th I will be here on June 7th telling you that you made no difference.

6. Olathe is more messed up than I thought. When you have to tell your community that "Dads make a difference" your community is screwed.

7. Is it really news that Celebs ruin marriages? Alicia Keys bangs married men.

8. Is the price of assparagus really worth beating the crap outta a woman?

9. Congratulations! Your mom will be dead before you reach Kindergarten. Poor kid.

10. If you are missing Mike Hunt from your facebook friendslist this is why.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

QUICK HITS - WHAAAAA!!!


Obama has been in office for 101 days and the liberals are crying now more than before. They haven't even packed up their hanging Bush dolls and piss bombs yet and they are complaining that the rest of us aren't following thier christ blindly like they are. There is a certain satisfaction one gets at seeing liberal bloggers and pundits shrivel up and cry. Buck up little ladies and pull the sand out of your clits. Things will get better in 2 years.

1. A woman that believes that size does matter, especially 3 inches.

2. I guess the code name "Charlie" was pretty accurate for McGillis.

3. I guess the new administration really thought that Club Gitmo was a resort.

4. Why is it that these liberal attorneys attatched to the Clintons keep showin gup dead? Just how many secrets are out there that we still dont know about?

5. If your old ass needs a freaking Garmin to navigate the grocery store do us all a favor and stay home. If you cant push a cart dont get behind the freaking wheel.

6 . Kansas City Vetrans are getting free cocaine injections at the VA hospital (no joke). I think that this is the only way that they can get troops to fight for Obama.

7. You know social security sucks when old ass women story cutting up bricks.

8. Socialist Leaders in Washington need to be drug tested asap.

9. What is the deal with European Leaders and Crusades?

10. I am sure that the former gov of Kansas is an expert on Swine Flu after one day on her job.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

MULTIPLICITY


Yeah I know that cloning humans is bad etc... trust me I am not in favor of this BUT since it is here and probably not going anywhere we need to find the positives. The best way to do this in my opinion is to watch the movie multiplicity. What we learn from this is that with the proper scheduling, a room over the garage and a clueless wife you can pull it off. Just don't do more than 3 clones of yourself or you will have a clone with the IQ of a liberal.

Monday, April 20, 2009

QUICK HITS - WATER BOARDING TOURNAMENT SATURDAY


This Saturday I will be holding the first annual SOJOCO water boarding tournament,. We will be using the 2008 CIA rules so that means no goggles or nose plugs. Trophies will be handed out to 2nd and 3rd place(because 1st place will probably be dead). If you are interested please email waterboardingkicksass@yahoo.com

1. Will the other side of the CIA memos be released or will Obama continue to give us half truths?

2. Axlerod lives in Wonka Land if he believes half the crap that comes out of his mouth. HEY JACKASS! Your puppet is AntiAmerican, lets fix that first before we worry about others.

3. Overweight individuals need to start hiding in attics before Obama sends his Acorn army out to round you up. According to the Emperors government you are endangering the lives of us all. This will be his first act as World Leader.

4. When the AP goes after Obama you know he is in trouble.

5. Miss California gets passed over because she is against gay marriage.

6. Lindsey Lohan will be appearing topless in Vegas...............Cya

7. Is it news when an Ethiopian and a Kenyan win the Boston Marathon? Tell me when some pasty Irishman from South Boston wins it.

8. Photos of the Craigslist Hooker killer have been released. TIP: If you don't want to be killed by this then don't whore yourself out.

9. The people that live East of 54th street in KCK have got to love the Giagantic water park and development dollars for the new water park. Of course they will be loving it from their condemend homes surrounded by Barb Wire and Pit Bulls.

10. WTF is family week? And do we really need a week for it? Stupid Hippies!

Friday, April 17, 2009

QUICK HITS - Protect Ya Neck

Yesterday I said that drug dealers were bigger believers in capitalism than our President. Apparently this upset some of you idiots on the left which forced you to send me sniveling emails complaining of my tactics. To all of you that sent emails, prove me wrong.

Drug dealers have more experience in the business world than our community activist and that is sad. Has BO ever had to worry about inventory, quality, store locations, hiring and firing of employees, training and collections? The answer to that is hell no.

1, Ugly and ignorant is no way to go through life. Can someone please tell me why they put her ass on 24? And better yet, why haven't they killed her character off in a slow painful way?

2. 24 inches of snow in mid April is a sign that global warming is here.......

3. Do you want to use the word "wider" when discussing a female condom?

4. Look for Dodd to start looting the government of even more money since he is more than likely not going to be reelected.

5.
Another "looker" liberal is in favor of massive bailouts of the Obama propaganda machine (newspapers). DO MY TAX DOLLARS NEED TO SAVE YAEL ABAHACHOO's job? Media bailout my ass.

6. Can you really call these pieces of crap automobiles? The unveiling of these Gov mobiles had to be as exciting as getting a Pet Rock on Christmas.

7. Man with Pet tools took playing doctor too far when he started doing breast implants. Can you imagine these chicks waking up and seeing that their chest looked like the underside of a female dog?

8. The President of the United States continues to be the bitch of all dictators.

9. So we can find Cleopatra's tomb but Bin Ladens cave remains a mystery?

10. Somebody actually kept track of all the moronic things that our VP has said? talk about time consuming.